Colbert’s Bathroom Rules

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By Joe Messina

Stephen Colbert polled the Late Show audience last night: “How many of you go to the bathroom?” He got a majority, and was disappointed to see that even women raised their hands.

This weird question was just a funny transition into the serious topic of discrimination in North Carolina, where the state government has passed a law requiring trans people to use the bathroom corresponding to their birth gender. I guess there’s going to be someone checking birth certificates at every public bathroom in the entire state of North Carolina?

Assholes have organized boycotts of Target since the company announced that they would allow transgender people to use the bathroom of the gender they identify with.

“It is hard to believe a company called Target would find ever find itself at – how do I put this – the center of something people are aiming at,” Colbert said. Colbert decided to disclose his personal beliefs on the issue next, saying that he doesn’t care who you are or how you identify; he doesn’t want to share a bathroom with anyone, and there are two reasons.

“Number one, and number two,” Colbert said. He suggested some bathroom laws that might actually be reasonable, like no talking and no shaking hands.

“I know what you just shook,” he said.

In defense of trans people, Colbert ended the segment by informing the politicians who are obsessed with people’s genitals and which bathrooms they’re using that “you’re the weird ones.”

Right, though? Shouldn’t our real concern be that dressing up like a woman and sneaking into a women’s bathroom to commit sexual assault is the first place these people’s minds go? I don’t get it. Are rapists not already breaking rules and going wherever they want to do things they shouldn’t do? Does gay rape not exist?

Watch the whole clip below.

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